Jokes Jokes

"Nobody Here "
One day, the phone rang, and a little boy answered.

"May I speak to your parents?"

"They're busy."

"Oh. Is anybody else there?"

"The police."

"Can I speak to them?"

"They're busy."

"Oh. Is anybody else there?"

"The firemen."

"Can I speak to them?"

"They're busy."

"So let me get this straight -- your parents, the police, and the firemen are there, but they're all busy? What are they doing?"

"Lookin for me."

.................

"Only 6 Months"

The middle aged man was visibly shaken when his Doctor advised that he had only 6 month's to live because of the terminal disease that was detected during a recent physical check-up. The Doctor suggested that he should get his "house in order" , make sure his Will was current and ensure all final arrangements were in place for the funeral. He should then make plans to enjoy what might be left of his life, to the fullest.

"What will you do for the last six months?" asked the Doctor.

His patient thought for a few minutes then replied, "I think I'll go and live with my Mother-in-law".

Surprised by the answer, the Doctor asked, "Of all people, why in the would you want to live with your Mother-in-law?"

"Because it'll be the longest six months of my Life!"

................

"FBI and Pizza "

The following is a direct quote from the Center for Strategic and International Studies report on GLOBAL ORGANIZED CRIME; the author who introduces the story swears it's true.

FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.

The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital.

AGENT: Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.

PIZZA MAN: And where would you like them delivered?

AGENT: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.

PIZZA MAN: The psychiatric hospital?

AGENT: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.

PIZZA MAN: You're an FBI agent?

AGENT: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.

PIZZA MAN: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?

AGENT: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You will have to go around to the back to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas.

PIZZA MAN: And you say you're all FBI agents?

AGENT: That's right. How soon can you have them here?

PIZZA MAN: And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?

AGENT: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.

PIZZA MAN: How are you going to pay for all of this?

AGENT: I have my checkbook right here.

PIZZA MAN: And you're all FBI agents?

AGENT: That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked.

PIZZA MAN: I don't think so.

CLICK!!

...................

"First Isn't Always Best "
A secretary, a paralegal, and a partner in a big law firm are walking through a park on their way to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the secretary. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the paralegal. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.

"You're next," the Genie says to the partner. The partner says, "I want those two back in the office right after lunch

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